So I was sifting through my personal blog and found this post from November. I think that it really brings home what I'm doing and why I'm doing it so I've decided to repost it here.
Once again, a HUGE thank you for all the continuing support. Every comment, post, "like" and photo is bringing me one step closer to my dream coming true. There is officially one month left in the contest. Now is the time to push to the end. Please help me win this thing. I don't think I've ever wanted anything more in my life.
Here you go...
Leaping into the abyss...
So it is official, today, November 21st 2011, the Princess has handed in her notice of resignation. In the land of international schools and especially in the land of the one in which I work, we need to let our employer know our plans for next academic year not too far after the current one has started. Surprisingly, it was harder to put the tick in the that "will not seek contract renewal" box than I thought it would be. I guess it's only natural to fear the unsurety of a blank slate but considering how dedicated I have been to the direction I plan on taking my life next year, I surprised myself as my shaky finger paused over the tick box. I guess saying you're going to do something a bit crazy and financially irresponsible is one thing, actually doing it is another.
But in the end, I put the tick in the box and sent it off to the higher powers in the headmaster's office. The truth of the matter is, this decision was made a long time ago. When the end of the academic year rolled around last June I left feeling...I don't know...a bit empty. I can remember saying to a coworker that I was desperately searching for a reason to stay, that I was hunting for something to keep me wanting more. But how happy are we when we are having to search for a reason to...technically, be happy. We shouldn't have to actively seek out happiness or contentment in our daily lives, if we are "there" then happiness should surround us, not hide in dark corners never to be found.
It didn't take long.(only about a week actually) of diving in Bali over the summer for me to realize that it was time to follow my heart and do something that truly made me happy...grow a pair of gills and live under the sea. Unfortunately, some goals are too lofty and I quickly realized that I needed to settle for the next best thing...turning my hobby into a job. It is time to trade in the Shakespeare for a regulator and the IB coursework marking for a weight belt; to finally take the plunge that I've been dreaming about for the last 2 years.
To many of you it might seem crazy to turn in my posh lifestyle of fancy condos, and maids and personal trainers for the gritty hand to mouth existence of a DM or dive instructor but in all honesty, my life at work is killing me. Teachers work hard, often too hard and it begins to show. I have more wrinkles than I like to think about and I've spent more hours between 5pm and 1am working than I care to calculate. Don't even get me started on weekends...what weekends???
Yes, yes I know we get lots of holidays and I'm intensely grateful that I have a job that allows to so much time off but when I started to think about it, I spent all my holidays diving...so why not turn my holidays into my everyday? Why not at least try it out??
I'm sure you all know by now that I've entered a competition to win a 7 months dive internship with Blue Season Bali. If I win it's an absolute dream come true, but if I don't I'm doing it anyway. Life is too short to live in fear of taking a risk. I know I'm standing on the edge of a very tall cliff, but I have a parachute on. I'll jump, it will be a thrill, it will be scary, I might even shit my pants, but in the end there's an extremely high likelihood that my chute will open and I'll land on my feet.
The last place I visited on my month long dive trip last summer was Blue Season Bali to go on a dive safari that, due to a crushing ear infection the year prior, had been two years in the making. I'm a firm believer in the idea that all things happen for a reason and this is no exception. On the last day of my three day visit there I looked up on the wall and saw the poster for "Best Dive Job" and thought....there's my chance. Had I seen it a year prior it would not have mattered because I knew I was heading back to another year in Bangkok...but this time, it was the right time. I can't ignore it.
As I've said, there's no guarantee that I'll win, it's a tough competition and I'm just an average Joe (no pun intended) but even if I don't, it was the push I needed to get me off the edge of the cliff and into the thrill of the freefall. One thing that I do know is that I'm not going to close my eyes for one second. I'm going to drink in every crazy, thrilling, terrifying, exhilirating moment of it.
The chute will open, I know it will. The exciting part is finding out where I'll land....
Cheers from the edge of the precipice
J
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